The ultimate life updates

Good lord, I haven't write anything here since February last year, talk about uber-negligence eh? What happened for the past 15 months? Depend from the perspective and context. It is both a lot and a little. In the last post, I was waiting to start my internship. Now, the timeline goes like this:

• 2017 (Feb): I did start with my internship in KWR. It wasn't really what I expected to be, but hey I need to graduate on time. Paying the additional tuition fee for 1000 euro/month was not my option.
• Mar: Left for Bandung at the end of this month. Also, I just realized how cheap I am since there was this one particular event that made me super happy (until now) to just walk around canal side with my (then) crush lol.
• Apr: Worked alone in Bandung sigh. The internet was always a problem so believe me when I said I never once have a skype session with my supervisors from there. The highlight was.. watching Bangtan's concert in ICE! That was crazy! Fortunately, I seated comfortably (?) in tribune area.
• May: Back to Utrecht with hyungnin. Since I took two weeks off my internship, I accompanied her for end-spring trip. We went to cities in the Netherlands, Italy and France. I wasn't being a very good friend back then (terribly sorry hyungnim) with my mood swings and too much entangled thoughts in my head. It was also the start of Ramadan 1428H! Man did you remember the heat of the first fasting day. I wanted to drown my self in ice cubes!
• June: My thesis drove me crazy this month. I set a deadline for myself to finish it (so that the next month I can just lazying around). It was also my first time celebrating Eid without my family :") but it was fun because I had this new Ramadan circle (I miss everyone huhu, Vjosa, Aimee, Nur) and we celebrated the Eid prayer in outdoor field so it was feel like home.
• July-Aug: Basically, it was either a day fully spent in the library to work on additional tasks from my supervisor or holiday. I finally gave thesis presentation and officially finished with my master program yay! I also visited a lot of new places, from the Terschelling to Kotor <3
• Sept: Graduation ceremony!! I was so glad to attend this instead of going home directly after my thesis presentation. There were also UID 2017 (remembering all those days spent with crazy Indonesian lol), KARD concert (jiwooo!) and behold, first time ever, my solo trip to Stockholm-Helsinki.
• Oct: Leaving Utrecht :'' I haven't really moved on until now
• Nov-Dec-(2018) Jan: Almost doing nothing at home except writing papers (my spv ideas). I think I was really in a slump this period. Once you leave home for so long, it is just weird to be back there. I also have a love hate relationship with my mom: truly loving and missing her when a far but in close proximity I can only stand her for two weeks top (I know some of my friend will give nods to this).
• Feb-Mar-Apr: Decided to move back to Bogor, to increase my chance to get a job. How come, you ask? Eh it's mostly to find tranquility, I lied about finding job. I began to feel so desperate about finding a vacancy. After that slump period, I feel like I have forgiven and made peace with myself being unemployed. But I can't lie that I need money to live (classic right) so yeah it is unnerving.
• May: I finally got a job and in a honeymoon (?) face of enjoying it but I moved to Jakarta and it's not honeymoon after all

The last six month feels so long for me but fortunately I have stacks of book and movie ammunition. It's only May but I watched more than 50 movies and read 15 books. I walked a lot, well at least in Bogor, the city gives that privilege. Also, I joined some interesting events along the way. These things keep my sanity. I feel like I'm quieter these past months (I know, is it possible for a chatty box like me to tune down? Apparently it is). The reason? Nothing particular. After hearing other people's stories, I feel like mine is trivial and my opinions don't matter that much. I still love to listen though, and if someone asks, I may share my piece of life too :)

A free concert of Jakarta Philharmonic City I attended a week ago

I think it's a decent post to open the new chapter of life.

XOXO,

Noyara

How to be human 101

Firstly, please give me an award for writing a post early this year. I tracked my post archives and found out that the only time I wrote in January was back in 2010, lol. Anyway, my intention to write this post is actually changed in the span of three days only. I was initially planned to show off my last vacation to Romania where Bianca, Sara, Irene, and I rolled on the snow between Cavnic in Maramures to Timisoara in Banat. Yes, my second winter break in Europe also turned out to be a White Christmas, after Tromso-Bergen craziness last year.

There are at least a thousand files (pictures, videos, and boomerangs) of this magical trip on my harddisk. How can I resist to share only 0,001% of them?

However, as I told you before, the purpose of this post is not to share all those beautiful things I witness in Romania. The aim is actually to share this article I found on Facebook the other day. I wholeheartedly agree with the content written there (except #23) but instead of calling it as '25 habits that psychologists have linked with happiness', I would simply name the list as 'how to be human.' Let me share some of my favorite points below:

• Write down 3 things you're grateful for: It does work. One of my stress coping mechanism is actually looked below. Be grateful of your current state. You can't live by always looking ahead or above; these ambitions, those pressures, sometimes can drain all the happiness in your life, no?
• Get outside: Relates to my previous post, going out definitely ease your day in their unique way. An extrovert goes out to talk to someone, an introvert can also go out to enjoy the nature tranquility. Or as an ambivert, I dress up and visit such public places to observe human interactions.
• Listen to sad songs: Before, I never understand why one could feel a comfort or serenity by listening to those mellow songs (for me, it can be defined as Spotify's Deep Dark Indie kind of tracks). After reading this article, it somehow makes sense that sad music actually allows us to regulate the negative emotions and find a consolation in their melody. It is kind of healing process. And speaking of deep-dark-indie, London Grammar just released a new single a week ago.

let me drowned in the beauty of Hannah Reid's haunting vocal

• Write down your feelings: I haven't keep a diary since at least 10 years ago. However, there is a habit of mine to write what I feel in my agenda. Not a real writing though, sometimes it is just random doodle, or two short sentences, or emojis. Also, as millennials, of course, we can just thinking out loud in any social media platforms (but then, we have to deal with the so-called society).
• Spend money on others, not yourself: Maybe you want to call me out for this humble-bragging, but buying things for others indeed make you happy. I mean, I do feel happier buying a new BTS album for Zia's birthday gift (and behold her joyous/denial face when she opened the gift wrap) than buying myself a rack of clothes (sure, I am being exaggerated, but you know, we have insane winter sale here). Also, other activities I love the most: getting flowers for my friends. Living in the Netherland has its perks :) 

At last, the most essential and important mantra: smile and optimism. This may sound like that advice you get from Mario Teguh or those annoying Tumblr quotes, but yes, those two simple (but sometimes hard-to-do) things are basically a happiness spell. It doesn't mean you are forbidden to feel cynical, sad, or depressed, a human has feelings, not a feeling, a mixed of everything. But it won't hurt anybody to keep a speck of optimism and share a smile as your weapon. Especially when you can't cope with the negative energy no more omg, am I really writing this. As Dumbledore said, Happiness can be found in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.

So, happy new year, I guess. Let's hope this year will be a great one for everybody.

XOXO *flying kiss*,
Noya

Being an Ambivert

Google says that ambivert means 'a person who has a balance of extrovert and introvert features in their personality.' I consider myself as an ambivert, which is a good thing, I suppose. Most of my friends say that I seem like a person who has a lot of friends, approachable, attentive in a conversation, smiles a lot, etc etc. They are not wrong of course, but like an introverted person, I also need the quality-me-time. Recently, the introvert side of me is dominating, maybe because all my lecture classes had ended in the last block, so now I only spend most of the day working on the reports and fangirling (over BTS, thanks to Zia and Andhani). Weird combination, but it exists lol. Anyway, my introverted side loves to work anywhere that is full of people, whether it's in a chatty area (i.e. canteen/cafe) or silent one (i.e. library), as long as they're not talking to me. (I think) I enjoy the presence of the others (read: human), but at the same time, I want to be alone. It feels different if you're really alone, physically. I tried that many times, and it is impossible to concentrate at all. Moreover, when you have an excellent wifi connection. At least, if you have many people around, you won't waste your time in youtube for 2 hours every 15 minutes (yes, it is possible). Another bit, ever since I live in the Netherlands, cycling aimlessly, strolling in the park and wandering around winkelcentrum became my habits. Those are my healing activities, going solo in public places.

Now, the extroverted side. Here goes a confession: I actually miss my classmates a lot. Like, a lot. Not missing the person (ehm), but I just get used to having them around at least 4 days a week. Bianca and I meet almost routinely at Pampalini (our favorite hanging spot), sometimes with Sara and Irene, but that's it. My Utrecht's inner circle only have 4 members in it. Otherwise, I devote my time in one of those study landscapes in Uithof and have a lunch break with Nisa, Cempaka, or sometimes mas Aan or mas Irawan. Every now and then, I spent my weekends with these lovely people above, or, other Indonesian students here /on a side note, I'm finally done with PPIU stuffs, the new board had been selected, yayness/. Also, the most important: since last month, I have a constant discussion fangirling session with Zia and Andhani who live ~50km away from me (yes, I checked it in Google). I do blame them for dragging me back to this dark infatuating world of kpop, but hey there are perks of being a fangirl. So, I stopped complaining and embracing it instead (this is 100% an excuse).

In mas Irawan words, I would say that these people I mentioned above just casually become my supporting system here, in the Netherlands. Being alone independent is awesome and all (also I need it to be actually productive), but I still need a hablumminannas. By talking vis-a-vis, not only by scrolling any social media, which recently drives us crazy with all the issues back in my home country (totally in different notes).

See, I am indeed an ambivert.

Okay, quick updates. What I've been up to recently:
1) The tailor made course is going slow, I have to submit a draft report next Monday, but I have, basically, the same draft as 2 weeks ago. Hmmmmmm.
2) I am 50% officially fixed to do an internship in City Blueprint by assessing Bandung (not Seoul, whyyy). There is a glimpse of hope that I can be involved in Seoul project. Maybe.
3) Another confession: I don't think I can get through a day without talking to Zia or Andhani these days /now that I'm writing it, that sounds super creepy/ Anyway, they gave me the best birthday present, in a very dramatic way (read Zia's story here). To be fair, Zia, I also cried and had a very conflicted feeling for the whole day.
4) I will be spending the Christmas holiday in Bianca's home and a road trip from north to south (-ish) of Romania. Wish us luuuck, we have two born and raised in tropical countries ladies here).
5) Not really an update, but I feel 50% guilty 50% relieved that I am not living in Indonesia right now. All the things happened there, just mindblowing. It left me speechless, and I'm afraid to write my opinion because everybody is super judgmental rn *insert sad laugh*

Turns out it's quite a comprehensive updates lol. But anyway, let's have group huuuug!

Cheers,
Noya

Keeping up with me

Hi, you!

I am writing a post now, finally, five months after my last entry. Was I too busy to stop doing activities and write here? Hmm not really, but the facts are; last June was full of deadlines before summer holiday; July and August were spent in delightful Indonesia; September was tensed because of .. a lot of things. It is mid-October already when life is at last adjusted with Universiteit Utrecht's pace-rhythm for a moment, just before the exam period is waiting in the corner of the month. Well, my bigger problem is, finding a thesis-internship, which is not difficult but definitely not easy. I am 80% excited with all these possible developments for my near future, and the rest of it is a mixed feeling of anxiety and desperateness hahaha.

Also, still in the realm of college life, I feel like my confidence (not that I usually have enough of it) is falling free stylishly from a cliff. As everyone knows, my academic English skill is not decent at all, but I feel like it becomes worse lately than ever. I guess, the perfect combination of two comments on my research proposal that said 'your grammar is lacking' and endless days of speaking that language made me even more inferior. Last year, I realized that I got so many back-ups with group projects (there would always be a final editor before report submission) that make my shortcoming stayed off the radar. However, now, with constant individual assignments (esp. with peer review), I need the urge to proof-read my paper before clicking that send/submit button. I also signed up for premium Grammarly and new academic writing class by PPI Utrecht, all in all for my Achilles heel.

Enough with the rambling, maybe I will just spam the rest of this post with pictures. Yes, pictures always cure!

Too much pictures? Indeed! The first one is what left from the Ramadhan dinner with Utrecht Moslem group (as Andri calls it), the second is my beloved family, the 3rd and  4th pictures are typical Indonesian tourist spots, 5-6-7th are the memory of visiting amazing Disneyland and Studios!  8th is the garden of Palais Het Loo (the one full of  Late Queen Wilhemina's vibe), while the rest are just me showing off my friend and I, strutting along Hoge Veluwe  

What else can I say here? Too many stories I want to share but my limited brain capacity to write in English won't take us any further. Oh, and I am going to Schiphol today, to bid a farewell to Puti, one of my closest friend in Utrecht :'( She is finished with everything and will fly back to Indonesia for good (at least for now). I'm losing my friend one by one.

Till we meet again,

Noya

Growing up is not the problem

Forgetting is.

Some people might recognize this line along The Little Prince the movie, an animation works released last year based on the same titled novel. Truthfully, I have not read the book yet (I'll add it to my book's bucketlist) but after I watched this adaptation, and of course lurking on all those reviews, it seems that I should read one. Funny how I used to consider myself as book worm when there are just (very) few numbers of books stayed in my memory. The following post still revolves around the same theme of coping with adult life, which still take a form of big question mark that randomly pops during daydream. 

This barely new year of 2016 went well so far, at least for my movie quality time. I am now already on 18th in my movie list despite the start of school's third period a week ago. Somehow, the assignments are not killing me yet. The Little Prince is the latest movie I just watched today. As someone who didn't read the book, I enjoyed this animation that full of deep symbolism regarding one journey's to grow up. Well maybe not exactly defining the process you went through from child, teenager, then adult era; Nevertheless, toward the end of the movie, many elements of this movie just hit me hard within the reality realm, i.e. the restless and unprepared feeling to face adult-real-world. I know people get bored when I told them about this dubious theme of so called real world but today, at least, I got new input regarding this matter. One from this movie and other from my fully respected friend, Muharrom. 

(spoiler alert). At a brief moment after finishing the movie, people might be reminded of how tough adult life can be, as people get this idea from the movie that adult is created (or shaped) in a certain way which made them forget everything precious from childhood memories. Not to mention The Mother character who seemed a bit pushover with her perfect planning. I also agree with this opinion, because myself indeed having hard time accepting grown up's life path. But then I texted Muha, it was not 100% random because yesterday we dwelt upon our college life whatsoever (maybe because we were both feel so old and tired and sudden reminiscence afloat). I always believe him to give me advice, read: serious advice for life, hence I told that I just saw The Little Prince. Of course he had watched it and of course he had different idea on perceiving the movie. Instead, he adores The Little Girl and The Mother during their perfect and tight scheduled days.

Cool, mature, independent, problem solver, neat, never give up.. everything great about that little girl but those all ruined when she meets the neighbor grandpa, I was sad 

Creativity, dream, hobby, curiosity.. can stay as the child fragments of you but be like an adult when you have to be autonomous, rational, responsible.. 

I really don't know if I translate this in a right way, sorry Muha! Unsurprisingly, it is on our nature to continue a movie talk to a 'future' kind of conversation. Both of us (or maybe just me, actually) are go-with-the-flow-people which he said it made us slower than others to embrace the life learning. He then managed to continuously stabbed me with his thoughts (in a good way), like why can't I state a concrete purpose for my future; or successfully made me aware of an urgent need for a mentor I never have. Always a mind and heart opener, talking with him hahaha *empty laugh.

In the end, we came to the conclusion that I am indeed an effortlessly happy person who life her days without expectation, target, and evaluation *again empty laugh. Believe me, I am working on this attitude though. Well again, let us all pray to be useful creatures in our own way. I hate to always close a post with such cliche but what can I do, I have a cliche life ;) 

Warm hug (still in this cold windy weather),

Noya

P.S. I should really searching for a mentor

I ain't the poorest people in the world

Like a week ago, I found these 3 pieces of my diary books. As reading it slowly and absorbed at whatever I ever wrote there (also realizing how I was such a dreadful human being for 10-5 years in the past); I feel like even for now, in this brand new 2014, I still havent change significantly, meaning my life still so-so with no huge impact for others. Please I dont have any good impact for myself either. Once there was old me wrote on one end of my diary page: Do every human always think that they are the poorest people in the world? Believe me, it is hard to think you are not, when you surrounded by amazing and incredible human being which achieve what you did not even dare to dream. I learn how to be grateful once in a while, and compel my mind to be positive as possible but alas, it is indeed hard. Not to mention, when you walk into the 'beauty' of being 20-ish, everything around revolves messily and you tend to lose sanity. It doubled or tripled mess for a people like me who ignorant enough to never making such things like life roadmap, life target/resolution, or even just listing off dreams (I actualIy did it once or twice but thats it, I dont even know why am I stopping). If you ask me now, "what do you really want then?" ...well, I dont have any good answers. This bugs me for a while (more like half a year actually) until today I blocked all my laziness to share this uber great reading.
Click here

Maybe I ever stumbled upon that kind of article several time but maybe again I wasnt in my clear state of mind so it is regrettably wasted. This time though, maybe I just need to be triggered a bit to realize that having 'me, the poorest human being' attitude is not right, and pathetic. Yes, I am not the best in any aspect yet achieve nothing impactful but still.. you have to know your life mean something. Let me sum up a bit some points of my favorite manifestos from article above:

1. Prestige is like a powerful magnet that warps even your beliefs about what you enjoy. It causes you to work not on what you like, but what you’d like to like.

2. One of the interesting things about success is that we think we know what it means. A lot of the time our ideas about what it would mean to live successfully are not our own.

3. The only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle.

4. This is your life. Do what you love, and do it often.

God, let this feel will continuously linger from now on so everytime I feel like a piece of crap I know that life is more than that. I believe if we struggle enough, life will embrace us beautifully (its hard to write motivational things like that when I actually feel worse hahaha *plain laugh* God dont let me be that kind of person who only say things but cant do). Oh and off course, I have to share this one from my favorite quote of a seems-mediocre-at first-but-turned out-really-heartmoving-in the end movie with brilliant messages ever, Remember Me (2010). 

Whatever you do in life will be insignificant, but it's very important that you do it. Because nobody else will. Our fingerprints don't fade from the lives we've touched.

Stay positive as you can,

-Icha

No Action Think Only

Well, kita semua di alam semesta terhubung dalam sebuah webstring.
Jaring-jaring yang tidak terlihat, seperti neuron-neuron syaraf di otak, yang terhubung dan saling mempengaruhi satu sama lain.
Ketika kita sedang berlibur atau berbelanja, sempatkan juga untuk berpikir bahwa ada begitu banyak hal yang kita bisa ikut peduli di dunia ini untuk membuat kehidupan ini menjadi lebih baik.
Saya yakin sebenarnya kita peduli, hanya kadang-kadang kita tidak mendapat cukup informasi mengenai apa yang sedang terjadi di sekeliling kita.
(Bramastyo 2011)
Read more

Sore itu, seorang teman terdekat gue memberi link ke sebuah facebook's note yang ujung-ujungnya menyebabkan celosan hati yang cukup mendalam. Bukannya gimana-gimana, tapi serius deh note itu hampir memberi semua jawaban atas beberapa hal yang jadi sumber kegalauan gue akhir-akhir ini.
Lucunya, waktu gue bilang makasih ke temen gue yang ngasih link itu dia malah minta maaf. Dia merasa 'alay' dan mengaku menahan air mata saat pertama kali membaca note itu.
Tapi nyatanya yang dia gak tahu, gue pun sudah berkaca-kaca dari pertengahan cerita.
Sama seperti bagian yang ada di tulisan mas Wahyu Bramastyo itu, beberapa hal yang belakangan ini stuck di otak gue adalah masalah our mother nature and us, the human.
Entah sejak kapan kita sudah hidup di atas bumi ini dan dia sudah membiarkan kita mengeksploitasi segala macam isinya.
Dari 0 meter di atas permukaan tanah sampai puncak gunung tertinggi dan udara di atasnya, bahkan manusia telah menuai apa yang bisa mereka dapat dari dalam lapisan bumi.
Kalau dipikir, apa lagi coba yang kurang dari itu semua?
Apa yang kita butuh hampir semuanya tersedia di alam. Seharusnya manusia dapat hidup sejahtera-aman-sentausa di bumi ini.
Namun entahlah sepertinya kita semua belum bisa saling menghargai. Baik itu menghargai sesama Homo sapiens, atau terhadap spesies lain.
Dari dulu gue suka tiba-tiba sok berpikir dewasa, memusingkan hal yang bahkan gue sendiri gak terlalu mengerti, antara lain: kehidupan sosial masyarakat dan kerusakan lingkungan.
Dua isu itu sangat luas cakupannya dan gue yakin gue cuma tahu sekelumit dari kulit luarnya saja, tapi hal itu gak bikin gue berhenti kepikiran.
Dan di usia gue yang sekarang hampir 20 tahun, pikiran-pikiran sok dewasa itu lebih sering mendominasi otak gue.
Hal itu yang tadi bikin gue bilang 'lucu'.
Apa yang temen gue bilang, kalo dia ngerasa yah.. salah atau gak sepantasnya, istilahnya gitu kali ya, buat nangis mikirin hal kaya gitu.
Padahal bukannya hal itu yang justru patut kita pelihara?
If you're not felling a lil bit touched after reading those kinds of writing, then your heart is a stone.
Bumi yang kita tinggalin ini sedang merana loh.
Gimana gak sih kalo orang yang hidup di atasnya ini macam kita? Yang terus-menerus memperburuk lingkungan dan selalu berselisih paham antar sesamanya.
Dan mencari solusi di atas benang yang sudah telanjur kusut itu gak gampang. Hal itu pulalah yang kadang bikin gue ngerasa galau dan malu sendiri karena merasa sok dewasa secara tiba2.
Terkadang gue ngerasa ga guna juga mikirin hal yang begituan, karena di sisi lain hampir-hampir gue ga bisa melakukan apapun untuk membuat dunia lebih baik. I am definitely NATO (No Action, Think Only)
Tapi dari note mas Wahyu itu (terutama yang gue quote di atas), gue baru sadar hal-hal kecil seperti itulah yang bisa sedikit-sedikit kita lakukan.
Mungkin awalnya kita cuma bisa ikut prihatin, tapi gue yakin perasaan prihatin yang menumpuk di hati kita itu suatu saat akan melahirkan aksi konkret kita.
Ehm, tapi yaa lebih baik lagi kalo dari awal kita langsung beraksi nyata untuk menyelesaikan masalah sih haha.

Kita diberi Tuhan satu otak satu mulut dua mata dua telinga dua tangan dan dua kaki.
Tahu apa artinya?
Wallahua'lam sih, tapi mungkin Dia hanya ingin kita lebih melihat mendengar dan beraksi.